Before ayoko magpalit ng sim kasi nga may sentimental value na sa akin ang sim ko kasi without knowing it 3 years na pala ang simcard ko. Can you believe that. 3 years na. Minsan nga pag nagpapaload ako, nagtataka yung mga tindera kasi hindi nila alam kung globe yung number ko or not kasi hindi na recognizable young number. Usually globe numbers now are starting with 0905 or 0927. Yung number ko ay 0916 pa rin. Isa pa the fact that tuwing magkasama kami ng asawa ko, he has access to my cellphone any time he wants. Also, we work in the same company, in the same building, the same floor, the same production floor and we are 1 meter apart. Magkasama kami 90% of the time. The only time na hindi kami magkasama ay pag uuwi ako sa bahay after work para matulog, maligo at magpalit ng damit. On weekends, we stay overnight in a 2 star hotel in in QC. also, to add, he has access to my friendster account and to my g4m account ( by the way hindi na pala ako nagbubukas ng g4m account ko of which asawa ko rin ang nag-activate) My point is HE HAS HIS EYES ON ME ALMOST 24/7 AND VICE VERSA. So I find it really irrational, stupid and completely inappropriate for EROS to question my fidelity and loyalty to him. Kaya sobrang nakakapikon talaga tuwing aawayin o kwekwestyunin nya ako sa mga taong nagtetext sa akin at kung anu anu pang mga bagay na walang kabuluhan. I have been totally honest, open and FAITHFUL with him ever since. Yung mga nagtetext sa akin eh mga taong binura ko na ang mga numbers sa simcard ko nuon pa. kaya nga tuwing text sila sa akin eh number lang ang lumalabas. Hindi ako pumayag sa pagpapalit ng simcard before kasi filling ko hindi na necessary yun, at isa pa, after everything I did and showed him for him to feel secure and to prove my fidelity, I feel na sapat na yun and that he should already ample TRUST sa akin.
Minsan nag-inuman kami with some of my friends sa office ( na friends na rin nya) and this girl officemate of mine told him"hindi nyo na kontrolado yung mga taong lumalandi sa inyong dalwa. Well gwapo kayo pareho, thats expected. Bastat alam nyo sa isat isa na secured kayo at mahal nyo ang isat isa at hindi kayo lumalandi... yun ang importante. You cannot control outside forces. You can only control yourselves."I perfectly agree with her. Pero ewan ko ba. Hindi talaga magets ng asawa ko.
Well, kaya eto, nasasaktan ako sa mga nangyayari pero ako na lang uunawa. Akala ko naman kasi darating yung time na pagtitiwalaan nya ko at makikita nya mga effort ko to keep this relationship strong. Pero kulang pa pala ang lahat. So I just have to give up a big part of my individuality and whatever little past I have to have a peaceful relationship with EROS.
Tonight, I will cut my old simcard sa harapan nya and I will insert a new simcard. Inofer ko nga rin idelete friendster and g4m ko eh, kasi I know na after the simcard thing, ang sunod nyang pagtutuunan ng pansin ng kanyang pagseselos eh mga tao sa friendster ko at possibly kahit hindi na ako nag-g4m, pati yun baka maisipan nya gawan ng issue. Pero he said hindi na daw kailangan yun and he prefers to monitor my internet activities. Ayaw nya na rin ipapalit simcard ko and nagsorry na syafor everything. Pero Im looking ahead into the future. Hindi matatapos and mga away namin if I wont do this. SO finally I give up and I surrender. I will do his a-amonth-ago-request and that is to change my simcard. It pains me to do that but it will pain me more if this cycle of fights will continue and would eventually lead to a break-up.
Sana naman pagmasusulat ako dito yung maganda naman at hindi puro panget at masamang bagay.
PHI,
Wala lang, I just wanna thank you for the support that you have given to me. I love you very much... You're the only one who can only fill my heart with energy and life, wala ng iba, akaya sayo lang ako focused always. I pray and thank God every day and night for giving you back to me, at the most suitable time for us to be in a monogamous, romantic, and very stable relationship. I also wanna tell you that your always in my heart & mind. I care for you so much and would also cherish the love that your giving to me. I always believe and will help in making our love and commitment last for eternity. Love you so much phi! Muah!
Lovingly yours,
EROS
Eros here...
Phi and I had little misunderstanding last Sunday. I know it was of my own fault. He saw me as a "fault finder". I was just trying to avoid things that may destroy our relationship. I texted him with things that I've seen; and, assumed situations as well since he wasn't replying the night before. I did it because he had just done some things he normally didn't do. I saw one reply from one of the guys that he has a crush on. He has deleted messages from his blog sites that he had kept for years. This fueled my anger and my creative mind since he wasn't replying to my messages that night. The next day after I woke up, he texted me that he was asleep the whole night. I asked him why he did those things, and why is he still communicating with "them" whom he said he was already avoiding. He told me that he had done it the day before when we were together at the office while waiting for my shift to end. He has not told me the reason yet on why he deleted all his sent messages though his reason is enough for me to be valid since the reply from his faggy crush was about me anyways, (He just asked his crush why he asked for my number).
But again, as I've mentioned in the 2nd sentence of this blog, I take or accept the blame for what happened, realizing the mistake or wrong that I did. I received a lot of messages from him the next day after I woke up. The last part was him asking me for a time out - 3 days of no communication. We are not separated by commitment. It's also not a cool off. We just dont believe that those things. work. We are just giving each other a breather from this tight situation.
I just dont get the point of it. He wants the our communication off for 3 days, and he wants to save the relationship. But if it would help us and our relationship, then Im willing to take risk. I just hope it doesnt worsen. I hope di sya masanay na ganito. Communication off is like no connection as well. Ganun nangyari sa past relationships namin. Judging from experience, nakakawalang gana habang tumatagal e nababawasan ang time nyo for each other and paguusap. Hindi rin ako naniniwala sa konsepto ng pananabik. I am just not like that. But I trust my Phi very much (that all he wants is the best for the two of us and our relationship as well) and I miss him already. Sana ok na lahat sa kanya when Thursday comes, and ok na sa kanya makipag-communicate sakin.
I hope itong gusto nya would help our commitment, bond, love and communication be stronger and better. I really LOVE him. Sobrang focused ako sa kanya and di ko kaya magloko. Madaming nagtetempt na dates and reto-es but di ko sila pinapatulan. Kasi mahal na mahal ko siya, sa kanya nabubuhay ang puso ko. Yun lang. Sana ok na kami sooner. I miss and love my Phi so much!
I guess it is just normal to have frequent fights, issues and problems when it is just your first month to be in a serious relationship, specially when both of you are so in-love with each other.
But its a bit getting into me sometimes, specially when the issues and fights are from pathetic and non-existent factors and when such issues are nothing more than just unfounded speculations, paranoia and baseless JEALOUSY.
Eros is up with torch and forks again because if something that I am not sure of.
First I was just at home the entire Sunday and I even texted him around 5:07PM that I will be taking a nap, to which I woke up 9:00PM. When I woke up I saw so many text messages and several miss calls from him asking where I was and why I was not texting. It irritated me a little as it was obvious that he did not read the entirety of my last text message, or that he read it but he just took it for granted and just had paranoid ideas simply because I did not text for some time. I explained that to him and he accepted.
However before I went to bed at around 11:00PM he told me to "behave" the nth time. He has been telling me "to behave" like endlessly. I just could not handle it anymore with his "sirang plaka" repetition of "behave" so I just gave him a mild reprimand. I told him just to stop telling me again and again to behave because I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING TO COMPROMISE OR ENDANGER OUR RELATIONSHIP. He said sorry and I went to sleep. But story does not end there.
Waking up this morning I saw several text messages from him, first, accusing me of flirting with someone. I don't know what he saw or where he got the idea that my friend from cavite, Albert and my friend and personal physical therapist is the just the same person and that Eros has the impression that I was telling him lies and made-up stories about Albert and Gary and that the two people are just one person. I am really confused as to what hullabaloo of an idea he got that from. Then he has an issue of me cleaning up my friendster account. Cause I deleted all my sent items but I did not emptied my inbox. We'll I simply cleaned the sent items because I have no use for them and just to keep my mail efficiently clean. My inbox was left in tacked because I have several friends there who I haven't added yet and has no way of contacting unless otherwise I keep their previous messages in my friendster. Since he checked my friendster account, he thought that I went out yesterday and went online albeit thinking that I lied to him by saying I was sleeping when I actually went out, which of course is not true because I WAS REALLY SLEEPING FROM 5:07PM to 9:00PM and my mom and other people at home can attest to that.
IT really mind-boggles me as to where he got the idea that Albert and Gary are the same person and why all of a sudden he is raging mad again about some things that are totally untrue and unfounded.
For crying out loud, He has access to my friendster account and to my g4m account. He was even the one who created a new account for me with the new g4m site. we are working in the same company, in the same floor. We eat lunch together. Every weekend we are together often staying in hotel and being with each other for about 20 hours. I mean, what else does he want to prove that I am FAITHFUL AND SINCERE. He has his eyes on me Almost 24/7. Even when I was sick, as in terribly sick, I had to force myself to go to work just to keep my employment in his company so that we can be together at the same work place. I could have just given up the company and just went job hunting elsewhere. It wouldn't be a problem for me find another company. My mom even told me that its not much of a problem if I don't get in to that company and my health is more important. I was really sick and burning with fever just to go to my training and not be terminated.
He likes to focus more on his unfounded speculations and paranoia instead of the good things that our relationship provide.
What I feel right now is that he has a psychological problem of being a FAULT FINDER. He is wasting his energy and attention on THINGS THAT DOES NOT EXIST AND ON THINGS THAT I AM NOT DOING! WHAT THE F@3kI*$ ELSE DOES HE WANT FROM ME.
I love him so much and I am faithful and sincere. But I dont understand why he keeps on accusing things that has no basis.
He is login right now. just messaged me. My YM status was invisible. I forgot to change it byut prior to that I texted him that I will go online. And now he is making an ISSUE OF IT!
NASASAKAL NA AKO.
What else does he want? Tell me friends, my kulang pa ba sa mga ginawa ko to assure him that he is secure with me?
I need both of us needs some fresh air. I think he needs to reflect on his actions and thoughts. I am not suggesting a cool-off. It doesn't mean that we will give space with each other eh ibig sabihin nun eh COOL-OFF OR HIWALAYAN NA. BASTA I need a time off from him and I think he needs a time off from me.
MY HEART IS CRYING FROM WITHIN. I AM BOTH ANGRY AND HURTINGLY SAD!
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